Breakfast
by lost logic
Summary: What are the professors up to when the students aren't around? Betting on the students? Surely not! Find out what's got Hooch breaking out the Monopoly, why Trelawny is on the edge of her seat, and what our favourite Gryffindors have to do with it! R/Hr


Rolanda Hooch sighed.

She was bored. And, well, if you knew Rolanda in any way you would know that a bored Hooch can be rather hazardous to one's health. That was why the other professors at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were steadfastly ignoring her increasingly loud sighs and going about their own business as usual.

She sighed again.

"What do you want?" hissed Severus Snape, startling everyone. The others peeked at him cautiously over the rims of their assorted coffee mugs and papers; He was _never_ the first one to crack.

"I'm _booored_." Rolanda whined piteously. "All you guys ever do is mark stuff! It's positively _ghastly_ how devoted you all are to your jobs!"

Minerva McGonagall, transfiguration professor, head of Gryffindor, deputy headmistress, and possessor of other assorted impressive titles, shook her head. "Honestly, Rolanda. Must you be so dramatic?"

"It's true!" insisted Rolanda, sliding down farther on the couch as to make room for the newly arrived Septima Vector and Augria Sinstra.

"What's true?" asked Augria.

"Apparently," Minerva rolled her eyes, "We responsible teachers are dreadfully boring."

"Oh"

Sinstra appeared to consider this. She nodded and said vaguely, "I agree with Rolanda."

"AHA!" cried Rolanda, triumphantly.

"Can you keep it down please?" the newest professor, Remus Lupin asked weakly, "I have a splitting headache."

"Sorry Remus." Rolanda tried to look innocent and demure.

Severus snorted.

"What?"

He merely arched his eyebrows and went back to the sixth years' essays. Rolanda glared at the back of his head.

Sprout, wishing to avoid a fight, decided to take the diplomatic approach. "What do you suggest we do?"

"Well, Pomona, I'm glad you asked. I think we should play a game."

"No."

"Absolutely not."

"Hell no."

"No bloody way."

Snape sneered at the very thought. "No one in their right mind would ever, ever consent to playing one of your stupid muggle games. Ever."

Rolanda looked extremely put out. "Why not?"

Minerva glanced up incredulously. "Do you honestly not remember what happens when we play your games?"

Septima shuddered. "I do."

"It wasn't _that_ bad."

"You made me kiss Quirrel! Who, I may add, had an evil over-lord sticking out of his head!"

"Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of Rolanda _'accidentally'_ turning Severus into a bat." Minerva eyed the still fuming Arithmancy professor. "Although, I'm sure yours was quite bad too, Septima."

Rolanda looked rather uneasy at the death glares she was getting from her colleagues. "It _was_ an accident!" she defended weakly, "Honest!"

"And the kiss?"

"Well, no. But come on, Sep! The man had a pet iguana and wore a turban filled with garlic, for Merlin's sake! He wasn't going to get any otherwise."

"So you offered me up?" Vector cried indignantly, "Some friend you are!"

"I _am_ a good friend! It's just—"

Severus cut her off. "Do you ever shut up, woman? Is it such a crime to want to wait for Dumbledore to start the bloody meeting in peace?"

"Now, now, Severus," Minerva looked amused, "Be nice."

"Be nice?" The others noted with no small amount of fear that Snape seem to be incredulous. It was not a good look for him. "Be nice? How can you even say that Minerva! The woman is a menace! An absolute menace!"

"Thanks," muttered Rolanda.

Silence reigned in the room.

Then, barely five minutes later, Rolanda sighed.

"What now?!?"

"No need to shout…"

Augria took a deep breath. "What exactly do you want Rolanda?"

"I want you all to stop taking yourselves so seriously! Loosen up, it's a Friday! You've got all weekend for work!"

Charity Burbage's eyebrows rose so far they disappeared into her graying hair. "What do you propose we do Rolanda? Break out the Firewhisky?"

"No," Hooch grimaced, "We don't need you _that_ lose…"

Severus silently agreed, and almost expressed his amusement before remembering that it was Rolanda who had spoken and that doing so would be terribly out of character.

"You guys just need some fun. Come on, I'm sure we can think of something…"

"Ooh! Let's do the student bets! " It was well known that Filius was a fan of this particular pastime. As an avid soap opera watcher, the students' love lives were how he got his fix at the decidedly television-free Hogwarts. "We haven't done that yet, and it _is_ tradition…"

"Maybe we should wait for Albus."

Minerva rolled her eyes. "Why? Dumbledore hasn't won anything since he called Molly and Arthur Weasley. It can't be fun for him anymore." She smiled. "I'll get the book, shall I?"

After murmurs of concurrence from the rest of the faculty, she resettled herself beside Rolanda on the large couch with the crimson tome "Who's first?"

"I'll put 10 galleons on Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley," said Poppy Pomfrey, sportingly. She had it on good authority that the youngest Weasley had never quite gotten over her crush.

"I hope Potter knows what he's getting himself into," Rolanda chuckled, "'cause her brothers are going to tear him to shreds."

Minerva snickered appreciatively. "I'll put 15 on Alicia Spinnet and Lee Jordan."

"10 for Roger Davies and Cho Chang."

"5 on Millicent Bulstrode and Vincent Crabbe." Augria looked around at the shocked faces. "What? They match…"

Septima shivered slightly. "It's going to sound mean but...ew. Just yuck.

"15 for Susan Bones and Ernie McMillan."

"20 for Colin Creevey and Denise Carmoody."

"50 galleons on Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger."

"I'll take that bet." Snape smirked, "They fight all the time Hooch, you might as well hand over your money now."

"They fight because of all the tension. That's all, just good ol' fashioned sexual tension."

"Sexual tension?" Severus arched an eyebrow. "Is that the best you can come up with? Merlin, Hooch, you and I fight all the time, and that isn't because of 'sexual tension'."

"No, that's because you're a greasy git."

Augria cut across Snape's retort. "Are you sure Rolanda? 50 galleons is a little steep, and I have to agree with Severus," Augria looked like the words caused her actual physical pain. "I've never seen anything to prove it."

"Are you serious? Never?" Minerva looked mystified. "You need to get out of your tower more, Augria."

Rolanda laughed. "Do you not pay attention in the morning?"

Pomona was intrigued. "What about mornings?"

"They make each other breakfast."

Silence.

"She really has gone mad."

"Nu uh!" insisted Rolanda, "They do, honest!"

Snape rolled his eyes. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard since Dumbledore unveiled his theory that Crups could take over the world."

"It's the truth!" Rolanda was just about shouting now.

"Prove it!" snarled Snape.

"Fine." Rolanda's obstinate expression changed. It slowly turned into a grin so evil, so diabolical, that it made everyone shiver slightly. "Care to make it interesting?"

Snape swallowed nervously.

"If they go about their regular breakfast routine…" she paused smirking for dramatic effect, "You have to play every game I suggest for three months or kiss Trelawny in the Entrance Hall while the students are leaving."

Severus' already insipid features paled even more. He barely managed to get out his next sentence. "And if I win?"

Rolanda's yellow eyes met Severus' dark ones and held them. She shrugged, "I'll do whatever you want for a week."

The other members of staff waited with baited breath as Snape considered. Nothing this interesting had happened since Lockhart had been sent to St. Mungo's and they'd had to stop scheming ways to eradicate him.

Snape nodded his head. "Deal."

He turned on his heel and swooped from the room like the colossal bat-hybrid he was, pushing past a thoroughly confused headmaster.

"Severus? The meeting…?"

Rolanda barely herd Minerva and the others explain the questionable activities to Albus. No, her mind was focused on one thing and one thing only; the look on Severus' face tomorrow when he found out that he'd lost.

* * *

The next day the entire faculty of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were at the doors to the Great Hall when they opened at six o'clock. Looking at her bleary eyed co-workers, Rolanda felt a thrill of anticipation. This was what she'd been missing in her life—excitement. Then she went back to praying to whatever god was on call today that the young Gryffindors were on good terms today.

It was another two hours before the so-called Golden Trio arrived. All eyes at the staff table were immediately fixated on them, but oddly enough, they didn't seem to notice. Rolanda was pleased to see that they walked in their standard formation, Miss. Granger in the middle with Potter and Weasley on either side. The three friends took their usual spots halfway up the table: Harry on the left and Ron and Hermione on the right.

Rolanda smiled slightly, so far so good.

Harry unfolded his copy of the Daily Prophet and helped himself to some toast.

Then Hermione and Ron sprung into action. Hermione grabbed two plates and three pieces of toast. She buttered them adding raspberry jam, then placed two of them on the plate already piled high with eggs before searching for the bacon.

Meanwhile beside her, Ron had gotten a bowl of cornflakes and some oatmeal. He had carefully sprinkled brown sugar and added strawberries to the oatmeal, all the while conversing with his two friends.

At the moment he was rather preoccupied with trying to wrestle the pumpkin juice from a small brown-haired boy that Rolanda knew only by sight. As it seemed that the spirited first year was not going down without a fight, Hermione took the liberty of adding the milk to Ron's cornflakes, talking about something in the Prophet with Harry.

Ron turned around, victorious, with two glasses of juice and they exchanged food.

Rolanda turned to look along the table. Every last one of her colleagues had their mouths wide open, still watching Ron gobble down his cornflakes.

Snape looked like he was going to be sick.

Rolanda strutted the length of the head table. "Oohh, Seevviiie!" she said in a taunting singsong voice, "which one would you rather? Sybil or the games?"

Snape glanced to his left at Trelawny, who looked almost pathetically hopeful. "The games. Most definitely the games." He put his head in his hands.

Rolanda grinned. "Ever heard of Monopoly?"

Severus just groaned.

* * *

A/N: There. That's another random one shot done, maybe the plot bunnies will leave me alone so I can get back to Different. Oh, btw, yes I am shamelessly promoting it. Read it and my other fics, I promise they'll be better that this one. :) Review! --Sloane


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